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  • [故事大全] [手机访问]

    故事

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    洪荒的背后,时光的囚徒

    时间:2018-06-12 15:34来源:网络整理 作者: 佚名

      而在两年后的今天,在加城这个陌生且清冷的城市。我每天做着同样繁复的工作。偶尔坐上飞机去一次旅行。荒芜。冰凉。灰暗的地带。毫无生机。我想去那样一个地方,然后慢慢地忘却,那些长在身体里的倒刺。
      我深知,内心要收藏足够的一些伤。才能感觉到自己还存活在这个世上。如同掌心印满冰冷的泪痕。的确如此,只有经历过多的苦难,才会寻求陌生的栖息之地。像一场不知终点的逃离。而又明知,一切迟早会变化。
      我始终坚信的是,世间存在这样一种女子。仿似沿着蔓藤生长的野蔷薇。她们不知道哪里是归宿。在恋爱中,时刻警觉做一朵艳丽而带疼痛的蔷薇。也不愿从墙头一朵迎风招摇的嫣红花朵,跌坠在墙脚,直至腐朽。她们是倔强的。并且注定孤独。爱,便不会留有余地。痛,也不逃避。以高傲的姿态行走在日光下。她们稀少而珍贵。如同需要被保护的温室花朵。
      我在飞机上邂逅过这样一个女子。她坐在我的对面。衣着暗色无华,穿着红色高跟,黑色的蕾丝长衣,浅灰色的丝巾。脸很瘦,光洁的额。眉毛黑而有力,眼神温和,睫毛密而浓,及腰的青丝散落在背部。很漂亮的女子。令人难以忘记的,是她和煦的微笑。牵动眼角的鱼尾纹。丝毫不吝啬自己真实的情绪。给人一种安然亲切的感觉。
      她的笑,令我想起青可淡漠隐忍的面容。内心似有什么东西正在滋滋燃烧。疼痛且令人窒息,侵袭了五脏六腑。我把耳机带上,专注地听着班得瑞的轻音乐。欣赏窗外的风景。动物的本能,总是希望从另一个途径缓解内心的悲痛。填补寂静的空虚。
      我留意过她。她的手应该很温暖。骨长肉紧。食指与中指之间的肤色偏黄。她是有故事的人。手臂上裸露的肌肤划满了一条条丑陋的疤痕。途中听见她接过一个电话。口吻是淡漠的。言辞却十分凛冽。对男人,总保持着极强的戒备心。
      在人性的特点中,我总是容易被那些已经缺陷或者预知缺陷的事物所吸引。渴望靠近它,并甘心被损伤。但我深知,我是易于知足的人。太过美好的东西,不易拥有。就任由它失去。
      Chapter2>>>>>
      两年前,我逃离了一场支离破碎的爱情。时至今日,我也不曾得以好过。记忆总会浮上心口,提醒我伤痛有多巨大。即使是,我努力地掩埋过去。离开所有相识的人。在相似的街口,我也曾悲哀过。我看见飞鸟孤单的在天空底下飞翔的时候。我看见那些落寞的身影消失在视野的时候。我仿佛都会想起青可。
      然后心脏的位置就会一阵钝痛。满满的。让我感觉到窒息。青可是这个世界上最疼爱我的人。我曾一度坚信过。他总是可以很好的把我的不快乐转移。满足我的无理取闹。
      事实证明,越是有那么一个人怜惜的时候,越会感到恐慌。彼此间淡漠疏离的口吻,也会将对方刺痛。明知道越靠近越会体无完肤,却仍无法撕裂的那一种牵绊。本就是极其相似的同类。如何能鹣鲽情深。我一直希望的是,自己可以拥抱幸福。但时间向我证明,幸福的状态,是不稳定且容易被破碎。
      忽然间,有些难过。我们曾经在青春最糜烂的时刻相依为命。而后,在茫茫人海中彼此遗忘。那种明知道会如何发展,却感到双手无力的感觉,一下冲击了我的眼腺。那个容易伤感的年代,总是用眼泪洗涤悲伤。
      而现在,我们也真的是在互相遗忘。无关时间。抑或只与时间相关。
      Chapter3>>>>>
      记忆就像是一条不能中断的河流。总是源源不断地在脑海中奔腾而过。斑驳交错着。以至于我再也看不清虚空背后的真实。但我总是记得我离开了青可。
      他是天资聪颖而又淡然的男子。从幼稚园到高中,成绩优秀。本可出国留学,却最终只是留在了上海。而我,决然拒绝了青涩年华间的爱情。青可曾说,你要怎样的生活,我都愿意给你。
      我说,我要一个人的生活。后来,我在重庆工作。又辗转去到加城。而我总是忘不掉与他有关的一切。却仍固执的未曾找过他。
      那个我们从小生长的四合院,也已经拆迁。我只在偶然的时间里回去过。一手把我们抚养至十岁的老人也终于离开了我们。只剩门前的老槐树,一如既往地凋落它的花骨朵。纷飞枯黄的叶子。散落下一地的荒芜。在来年的春天长出嫩绿的植物。
      临街一楼的小商铺也改建成了大商场。我总记得卖油条卖烧饼卖豆浆的店里,从早到晚地忙碌。而那些在记忆里陈旧的东西,总跟不上时代的变迁。会随着发展而消失透彻。
      记得小时候,我常常跟着她一起去收废纸烂铁。青可总是背着书包小心翼翼地跟在我们身后。一边温习书本,一边留意路边的空瓶子。我穿着宽大的衣服,常因过长的衣摆而限制行动。她总会笑眯眯地说,苏朵是可爱的女孩子。我的心就会莫名地安静。不再烦躁。
      她习惯在回家的时候,给我和青可买冰吃,两分钱一支。绿色素和糖精混合在水里再冻结而成。
      我就因此过分欢喜地喜欢着夏季。而青可是个沉默的孩子。很少说话。那时候我便开始明白孤独。它会总出现在你寂寞的时候。
      那间潮湿的小屋,狭小的空间,一年四季总堆放着许多的纸板和铁块。还有青可拾捡的塑料瓶子。下雨天总会容易摔倒在泥土地面上。冬天的时候,蜷缩在纸板搭建的床上,冷得发抖。然后就会无比地清醒。寒冷从四面八方侵袭。紧紧地抱着自己窝在被单里,不停地呵着气,也感觉不到暖。
      十岁那年。从南方城市来的一对中年夫妇,自称是青可的父母,说要带走他。他一句话不说,紧紧牵着我的手。然后在奶奶劝说下,他的父母终于决定让我跟随青可一起离开。离别时,姥把一个银手镯套在我的手上。她说,是属于我的东西。让我细心保管。我感到内心深处的寒冷正在不断地扩散开来。身体止不住在颤抖。
      "朵。在别人家,一定要明白事理。好好生活。要心存感恩。"
      "姥,我会照顾好苏朵。"
      "嗯,青可。记得好好念书。"
      我站在门前,久久地凝视那棵老槐树。我不知道他们说了些什么。我只是觉得很疑惑,内心感觉到难过,眼眶却紧窒得流不出眼泪。
      Chapter4>>>>>
      他很高,很瘦。头发有点乱,喜欢穿白色衬衣,手中总握着那个透明的玻璃水杯。额头有些宽阔。眉毛浓而黑,眼神坚定而深邃。是一个成熟的英俊男子。他是公司的广告总监。有着深远的抱负。
      我记忆中的夏舒白,总是皱着眉头,坐在会议室开会。他似乎从来没有笑过。严肃的气场,给人以压抑的感觉。我希望他可以多笑笑。第一次遇见他是在公司的电梯。我抱着资料站在他身旁。彼时,我是刚刚大学毕业的实习生。
      后来,工作上很多事情都是他在教我。他大我五岁。01年的时候,他刚刚大学毕业,投身到事业中。如今已算得上是有所建树。但他不满足。他说,男人年轻就该有野心。他在我面前丝毫不掩饰内心的狂野。他是我爱过的第二个男人。他的手掌抚摸在背部的感觉。温情且炙热。我喜欢将头埋在他的胸前,静静地聆听他的心跳声。让我感到安全。07年的春天,我们一起去过一次旅行。他带给我的浪漫是足以令我在往后的日子里,缅怀且记念的。和他在一起,即使是一次细微的感动,我也无比感激。而我一直知晓的是,他是有抱负的人,不会为了卑微的爱情而放弃工作。
      暖风吹来的季节。接近傍晚的时刻,街道上的行人,愈发稀疏。高大的香樟树,枝叶在风中荡漾。我站在落地窗前,默然地注视着他。我看见他穿着白色的衬衣,打着那条我为他选的咖啡色斜条领带。他的手边,是董事长海外留学归来的千金。这个男人,终于等到高升的机会。只要与她在一起,他便可一步登天。
      舒白,应你所需,我想要的,只是爱情而已。如今,我们回归殊途。
      我拿着手机,按下发送键。夏舒白。至此,我与你是否再没有以后。我蜷缩在床上,紧紧握着手机。黑色的屏幕,让我陷入无尽的恐慌。是炎热沉闷的夏季,我喝下两片感冒药和一片安眠药。我想好好睡一觉。翌日醒转过来,发现手机上有许多未接与短信。
      "素央,对不起。你知道的。"是的,我知道的,夏舒白,我不会阻碍你的前程。你也不过是我生命中一段旅途的伴侣。我会记得忘记。
      "朵,我下午三点将到达重庆。"
      "怎么不接电话?"
      "我在机场等你。"
      兜兜转转,那些年,始终只有一个人会站在同一个位置等待自己。
      Chapter5>>>>>
      他一直坐在椅子上,低着头抽烟。我靠近他的时候,他一下便抬起了头。毕业后,我毅然选择与他不同的城市工作。至今是分别后第一次见面。那张无比熟悉的脸,掺杂了几分沧桑与成熟。他站起身来,紧紧地抱着我。我感觉到他的手在颤抖。
      "青可。你还是没变呢。"
      "朵。我很想你。"是的,在这个世界上,唯有他还会叫我苏朵。紧紧地抱住我。
      十岁那年,跟随青可离开后,他的母亲为我取名沈素央。是青可法律意义上的妹妹。我无从选择。学生时代,我喜欢的人一直是青可。但是我不能和他在一起。是沈妈说的,青可未来的妻子,只能门当户对。我不是信命运的人。只因命运让生活太过波折。可是,我深知,无论如何我都不会和他在一起。滴水之恩尚且涌泉相报,何况十年抚育的恩情。
      他是我的第一个男人。我在他的生命中,是一段唯美的插曲。那样就已经足够。
      我们躺在天台上看被星星点缀着的夜空,像极了挂满宝石的深蓝色海澡。他与我谈及未来。我侧过脸看见他的眼中闪耀着璀璨的光亮。你是幸福的,对吗?青可。
      我亲吻他的脸。小心翼翼地抚摸着他脸上的每一寸肌肤。是我即将离开他的告别仪式。晚上我们疯狂地做爱。他在我身上发泄着那些日夜堆积起来的思念。而我,从来无从抗拒。
      窗外的第一缕日光洒了进来。我听见鸟叫蝉鸣的声音。是多么欢快的早晨。我起身沐浴。准备好早餐。下楼的时候,看见舒白站在车身前。
      "素央。我们谈谈。"
      "好。"
      我知道青可站在窗前。不管什么时候,已经成为他的习惯。他总说我的身影很单薄。
      "素央。不要离开我。"
      "舒白。我不会停留在你身边一辈子。我有我想要的生活。"
      "你搬回来。"
      "我不想呢。我今天是去公司辞职的。职场生活,我真的过不惯。"
      "我真正爱过的人,只有你。"
      "那样不是已经足够了吗。爱情和婚姻,从来都是两回事。更何况,你连婚姻也给不了我。"
      "昨晚我一直在你的楼下。是青可吧。那个会在你不开心的时候,躲在树后给你打电话,放你最爱听的音乐的人。"
      "嗯。是青可。"
      "下车之前,让我再抱抱你吧。素央,你要幸福。"
      Chapter6>>>>>
      夏舒白,我对你的感情与青可一样。只是,浓烈程度的差异。我爱过他,也爱过你。但至始至终,我最爱的仍旧只是自己。寂寞,被感情填补又不断断裂。而爱情,却能让我感受到温暖和寂静。孤单时我是自己的。影子是孤单的。只是青可,我留给你的信,是否足以让你放下我。
      07年的夏天。我以告别的姿势离开。
      Chapter7>>>>>
      青可。当你看到这封信的时候,相信自此你再也找不到我。原谅我以这样的方式割裂我们的感情。我多希望,我们从来没有相爱过。我离开了。你要开始没有我的新生活。我捆缚了你这么些年。谢谢你一路对我的关爱。你曾经问过我想要什么样的生活。青可,我只想要一个人的生活。我会忘记你。或许许多年后,我会找到一个憨厚的男子,与他过简单朴实的生活。也请你要幸福。
      2007年盛夏。苏朵。
      Chapter尾音>>>>>
      我依然生活在加城这个陌生的地方。但我听说,夏舒白名下的公司如今也已扩展至全国连锁。他终究依靠婚姻得到的势力取得了成就。
      青可,那么你呢?我那么迅速地抽离了你的生活。你有幸福吗?
      在我所看来,终止一条道路最好的方法,便是决然的走完它。如若我的离开,仍旧促使你的不甘,而打乱你的生活轨迹。那是我所不愿见到的。爱情是一个样子。生活又是另一番模样。即使一个女子,极尽所有去爱慕一个男子。但能带给她安宁的,最终不会是让她背负不安的人。
      我想要的,便是一个同床共枕,相濡以沫,白头偕老的普通男子。但那个人不会是我曾深爱过的人。我会为他生儿育女。我会看着孩子长大成人。
      而我深信,对任何过往过度的怀念,始终是记忆中那个深刻的样子。理解了,才能得到解脱。我会慢慢走出那段梦靥。将它作为我人生中最美好的遇见。灵魂所渗透的悲哀,远不止你一个缱绻的姿势。它必定让你死在过去。而坚强,却可让你抚顺那些伤口。
      附语:蔷薇,代表爱情和爱的思念。盛开的蔷薇给予人对爱情的憧憬,然而爱情不只是一场美丽的梦,花虽然会凋谢,心中的最爱却永不凋零,蔷薇就是恋的起始、爱的誓约。

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